Infertility: 8 Things You Need to Know About the Journey.

[Reading time: 11 mins]

Let’s start with my DISCLAIMER:

I am NOT a doctor.
I am NOT a psychologist.
I am NOT giving medical advice.

What I AM is a Mother who has MY OWN personal experiences. That is what I will share with you here.

Photo via OvulifeMD.com

Infertility.

No one seems to talk about it, so let’s talk about it now.

Yes, I have 4 kids, so it’s easy to question: “What do you know about infertility?” Well, each of my kids were conceived through multiple rounds of IUI procedures [with a miscarriage sprinkled in there], so my husband and I definitely had our fair share of the journey.

Having been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in my early 20s, I knew early on that we’d have trouble conceiving, but when you are trying to get pregnant, no amount of pre-knowledge really prepares you for the long road ahead. And no matter if you are going for your 1st, 2nd, 4th or more child, infertility can seemingly come out of nowhere.

While every woman who goes through infertility has their own experiences on this journey, I would like to share with you 8 things I feel you need to know:

01. You are not alone.

1 in 6 people globally are affected by infertility [according to WHO]; so why does it still seem to be such a taboo topic?

To be fair, every single time we started trying to get pregnant, we were extremely tight-lipped about it. I’m not sure why.… I think I felt that it would stress me out even more if I knew that others knew we were trying; I also wanted to spare ourselves the possibility of questions or comments from the peanut gallery.

But man, was it a lonely time.

I hate to say it, but even your partner…. they can be as supportive as can be, but until they too are going through the actual treatments and the hormones that are effecting your body and mental & emotional state, it’s hard for them to truly understand what you’re going through.

I didn’t realize how many others were also effected by infertility until I started being more open about my own struggles after the fact. And when you start to talk to other couples, it’s astounding how many you will meet that have or are currently going through their own journey. I gave the statistic earlier from WHO, that 1 in 6 are affected by infertility; over the years, I’ve found that it’s more like 1 in 3 amongst the people that I meet!

It is your own personal decision to tell someone about your journey or not; but no matter what you decide, just know that you are not alone.

02. You may receive insensitive comments.

I mentioned above that we never told people when we were going through infertility treatments, and a lot of the reasoning behind that was because we didn’t want to have to endure any possible comments coming from the peanut gallery. So luckily, insensitive comments never came our way, but unfortunately, I have heard otherwise from other people.

I came across this great article by Penn University:

How to Handle Insensitive Comments

03. You will see others get pregnant around you.

This is inevitable. You will be going through your infertility journey, trying to get pregnant and wondering why it hasn’t happened yet; and then BAM. You learn of a friend or family member who is pregnant.

I can’t tell you how many times this happened to me and how every single time, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and I’d just cry it out.

If this happens to you, IT’S OK. You have every right to be upset, and how you are feeling does NOT mean that you aren’t happy for the parents-to-be! It’s perfectly normal to be upset, and to still be excited for your friend or family member. So don’t beat yourself up over the mixed emotions you may have.

04. Know all your options.

It’s important to know all the different options for fertility treatments and which are the right ones for you. More often than not, you will be starting with your OBGYN, who will want to prescribe Clomid to be taken for 3-6 months. But if you know the likelihood of conceiving on Clomid is very low for your partner and you, you may want to skip it and go straight to the next thing.

Something else to also consider is if you want to get referred to a fertility specialist earlier, rather than later. An OBGYN can only do so much - even if and when they prescribe you Clomid, they will not be able to monitor you in the same way that a fertility specialist can. So just be sure to talk to your doctor at great length about all your options, and really think about where you may fit into the treatments.

05. What to expect during your treatments.

The treatments you will be going through is another important thing to discuss with your doctor in great detail…. and ask LOTS of questions! I really liked our fertility clinic, but the doctor would breeze through so many details about the entire procedure, probably because it was second nature to him. There were so many things I didn’t understand the first few rounds I went through and I wish I had spoken up more from the start.

While I will leave it to your doctor to go through the nit and gritty, I will give you these few general tidbits:

• Expect to be at the fertility clinic every 2-4 days. I learned very quickly that I needed to tell my boss early on when we were doing treatments, since I’d be coming into work late often. In order to monitor your levels, the doctor will need to draw your blood and do a scan every few days. As it comes closer to the time of fertilization, the days in between become even shorter- sometimes even just the next day. And be ready for the day of insemination, because timing is EVERYTHING.

• If you think you will have a hard time giving yourself a shot, you need to get over that as soon as possible. It is a requirement to know how to do it and you won’t be able to continue the treatment if you can’t. I remember the first few times I had to do it- I had a shaky hand and it took me forever to inject. But by the 2nd round of treatment, I was a pro. Believe me, you will get used to it quickly and it’ll eventually become second nature to you.

• Prepare to be EXHAUSTED. The constant appointments, the build up to fertilization, the 2 week wait, and not to mention all the hormones you’re pumping into yourself…. all of it is EXHAUSTING- physically, mentally and emotionally.

06. Expect the weight gain.

This could have been added to point #5, but I felt like this needed its own section.

Each time I went through fertility, I gained 10 pounds just from the treatments. My face and body puffed up and I was swollen. In fact, I actually looked worse from the treatments than I did through my actual pregnancies.

The weight gain is bad enough, but the absolute worst thing about it is that I also looked like I was already pregnant…. when I wasn’t. To make matters worse, I actually had people ask me if I was pregnant. Yup. Let’s not even get into that gripe right now [that people actually ask a woman if they’re pregnant without knowing], but for someone to wonder if you’re pregnant, when you’re TRYING to get pregnant, and you don’t even know IF you will get pregnant…. just don’t. Please, don’t.

07. Self-care is important.

This should go without saying, but self-care will not only help with your infertility, it will also lower your stress levels and your mental and emotional state of mind. Ways you can practice self-care is to get a massage, try acupuncture, exercise, or just good ole’ fashioned R&R. It’s what the doctor ordered!

08. It’s ok to take a break from treatments.

It’s easy to want to keep going month-to-month with your fertility treatments, but if you’ve been trying for more than 3-5 months straight, it might be best to just take a little break. The break can be as little or as long as you’d like it to be; but no matter how long you decide, your mind, emotions and especially your body, need that breather.

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Do you have questions or just need moral support? Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me via email: with4kidsintow@gmail.com